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I do not fall in love

Don’t believe

Can’t pin the white stripe on me

No diagnose today

Not swallowing a pill

Just sleeping tonight

In a first class

Street smart strait jacket

Because I cannot love

And I never learned to believe

Might as well go blind

Deaf and dumb as well

Lifeless life

For the non-believing disbeliever

A dreamless dream

For the un-romanced misanthropist

And nuanced fabrications

For an unpracticed heart

So kiss me through the bars on the window

I’ll tuck myself in on this nailed-down bed

Say goodnight to the linen on the wall.

She was beautiful once

Until he ripped her to shreds

He cried too

But she cried first.

Impossible standards

From an impossible boy

A story I thought I could change

Though the ending stays the same.

Sympathy found me

On the road to his heart

She put up the road block

And bid me no entry.

Peering over the edge I saw

A quietly tragic murder scene

Of a girl once loved

Of a girl once fooled.

She could have been me

She could have been free

So I shut my eyes and turned around

I walked out safe and sound

That girl showed me the light

It’s never been so bright.

Now she’s dead

No more to be said

Summer is over

And Honey, so are you

Leaves are falling now

And like those leaves, I fell out of love

Clouds begin to veil the sun

While the light from your halo is dimming

Summer’s rays cannot blind me anymore

And neither can you

We are free falling now

And Honey, I’ve never felt so

Free

This tree is shedding its old leaves

To make room for something new

Winter’s coming, a time for hibernation

A time to put aside and forget

To be well rested for something new

Something Spring

Born again, life again, love again

Come the time for spring cleaning

And Baby, you’ll just be old dirt under the rug

A new Summer to fall in love with will come

And Darling, where will you be?

I’ll be kissing the face of another angel

While your memory falls

Right through the cracks of my wooden floor

I welcome the new Season

When the words stopped coming out

Thoughts of you started coming in

Flora and fauna

Fight or flight

I only want to sleep tonight.

As the moon came out

You stepped in

And as the sun came around

You stepped out

I woke up in a cloud of doubt.

Oh who am I fooling?

I can hide the way my heart swells when you come around

I can tuck away the dreams laced with your face

But the fact is as clear as day

I cannot ask the smile on my face to come back later

I cannot dim the spark in my eyes when I look at you

The truth is

I simply cannot sweep these feelings under the rug

You may never see the butterflies fluttering about inside of me

But I know you can see the way my hands shake when you’re near

I know you can feel that when I hug you

I never want to let go

So I bet you can imagine how my heart swells when you come around

And I know you’ve considered a dream or two

As much as it flushes my cheeks to say this

I think you may know more than I let on

I see you admire the smile on my lips

And the spark in my eye

So you lifted the veil without my permission

And found butterflies

I am not in love with you

I am in love with the way you made me feel

But you I cannot love

Maybe once upon a time I did

But for now, I do not weep for you

I weep for the memories that you left with me

I weep for the way you made my heart swell

But you I cannot love

You were merely the messenger

And I fell in love with the message

For every minute, my heart beats 70 times

Remember that one day you came over?

For ten minutes, my heart had been working overtime

Normally, ten minutes would have meant 700 heartbeats

With you, ten minutes means 1400 heartbeats

Three times in those ten minutes you told me you loved me

Every time you said that, my heart stopped

Take away a heartbeat for every second it took you to say

I love you

1397 heartbeats

Three heartbeats had been stolen from me

I’ll never get them back

But you made up for it by giving me 697 extra beats

To replace those measly three you’d taken with you

Remember when we were about to part that day?

You kissed me once

You were my first kiss to remember

One kiss in all my eighteen years

And I’m glad you were that one

Three times I told our story to three different people

Three times I had to retell it to perfect its beauty

One night, I sat down for story time at midnight

I did not get to sleep until 5:30 in the morning

Five and a half hours total to recount once a ten minute meeting

Summer arrived with news

You were to be leaving, touring the country

For all of summer

That makes 104 days of being without you

I had to see you just one more time before you left

And one more time you told me you loved me

Steal another heartbeat

That’s four heartbeats you’ve taken from me at present

For 104 days, we were not to see each other

At least twenty times I thought to tell you I missed you

With every thought came an attempt

Not once did I tell you how much I missed you

That makes twenty failed attempts

The halfway point of summer arrived with more news

You were to be coming home earlier than expected

Cut your time of absence in half

That makes 52 days less of having to be away from you

Once I tried to meet up with you after you returned

Only once did you have to tell me you were busy

We texted back and forth twice, just twice

So four text messages it took for you to turn me away

Something must have changed in those 52 days of separation

Little did I know that the answer was not too difficult to calculate

All it took was one other girl

One other girl plus 52 days of separation

Makes for one excruciating heartbreak

I’ve written three poems a day since you’ve left me

Three days ago I stopped being your special someone

Three poems for each day you’ve been gone

That makes nine total

Three times I’ve tried to leave you

I came back to you all three times

When it comes to coming and going

You’re the master

Six times I’ve changed my mind total

It only took one guy to sweep me off my feet

And only one guy to break my heart all at the same time

Zero heart beats per minute since you’ve been gone

Dead.

When my heart did beat for you

I listened for your heart

And I couldn’t hear

When my mouth did smile for you

I looked for your smile

And I couldn’t see

When my arms did reach for you

I stretched for your affection

And I couldn’t touch

When my eyes did search for you

I sought for your glance

And I couldn’t see

I’ll be here waiting when he’s heartbroken

With a soul full of love

But he’ll never know

When he’s looking for a girl to love him, I’ll still be there

Lips swollen with the words I’ve been keeping

And maybe he’ll never hear those words

I’ll cry for him when he’s about to fall apart

My arms just craving to wrap themselves around him

But he’ll never feel my touch

When he is tired of girls that don’t appreciate him, I’ll wait

Full of admiration for every atom of his being

Perhaps he’ll never guess that it was me

It was me

I am the girl that he’s been idolizing

Searching, hoping, believing that she’s still out there

She’s still out there

She’s right here

But he’ll never know

                                                                            So is she wasting her time?

Oh, never

Never with him

You never seem to go away

Even when I swore to myself

That I would do anything to be rid of this pain

Your pain

Because every thought, every dream, every poem

It’s still you, babe

I want to pretend you’re not there

In my head

But it’s like you’ve possessed me

And I want my life back

You invade my thoughts,

Trespass my dreams,

And poison all my poetry

So why am I still smiling?

I want out

Oh, but how I wish you would stay!

I was lied to

But could you please tell me you love me one more time?

I feel forgotten

Wait; just let me call you once more

I might have been used

And what was it you needed me to do again?

I am wasting my time

But let’s see each other soon

I got pushed away

Just a minute, let me hug you goodbye

I got left

Where did you go? I’ll be there in a while

I don’t feel loved

But, oh, I love you so much

I sigh

I lie

I cry

I die

All for you.

One day he said

That he just wanted someone who cared about him

I was there

I always cared

The next day he told me

About the girl that left him at a party

I comforted him

I would have never have left him

Later on he couldn’t stop emphasizing

The words, ‘I love you.’

I told him that I loved him back

I meant every single word

He kissed me on the forehead

And said those words one last time

My heart spoke to him

Although I couldn’t muster up the courage to do it myself

He told the whole world about me

Not minutes after we said goodbye

I told him I loved him back

I meant every single word

For months he disappeared

His voice was nowhere near me all summer

I held onto the hope

I never let myself forget

Yesterday, he came back

I asked him to meet me

No.

Something has changed

Today he told me about a girl

She’s beautiful, smart, and pretty

She is not me

And I’ve loved him all along

A long time ago, I became his guardian angel

I kept him, flattered him, loved him

He didn’t mind, but he didn’t love me

Not in that way

Yesterday I was still his girl

Today I am the angel that he brushed away

Tonight he’ll tell me that he never loved me

Tomorrow I’ll cry

Yesterday I loved him

Today I fell from heaven

Tonight I come back to earth

Tomorrow I’ll move along

Someday I’ll realize I never needed him

If I close my eyes and pretend

Maybe then you’ll love me back

If I blind myself to all the other girls

Maybe I can pick myself up off this beaten track

So I closed my eyes and made up a story

About a boy that actually cared

He said all the right things

And even kissed me if he dared

Our bodies fit together like a puzzle

Our love was one and the same

But I had no idea what was happening

While I dreamt away my life with no shame

You were kissing someone else

While I dreamt of you kissing me

You were seeing someone else

When I was wishing that I’d be the only one you’d see

I know this; oh, how I knew the truth

And yet I avoided it

So I just shut my eyes tighter

And imagined a passion that wasn’t legit

My heart is where the home is

No one can hurt me here, not even you

Boy, I bet you enjoyed my love

How I trembled, stuttered, and fluttered about

Boy, I bet you enjoyed how special I made you feel

I guess it wasn’t enough

So maybe I was embarrassing

And maybe I wasn’t as pretty as the rest

But I loved you, boy

You knew it, too

Oh, how I’d hoped you’d feel the same way

You smiled and hugged me and kissed me

I can never forget

Boy, you said you loved me

Tell me, how many others?

How many others did you whisper to

And lure into your hazel eyes?

Oh, you had me, did you know that?

While you whined about the girls that left you

I had always kept you safe in my heart

I had hoped so much

That you would realize, maybe have the smallest inkling

Of what was waiting for you in my heart

I guess I was just a number

Just another victory for you, boy

Because you’ve got a line of broken hearts in front of you

And mine was first in line

I bragged about you, boy

I made you my special someone

I stopped the clocks for you

I bent myself impossibly for you

I invested myself just for you

I believed in you

I trusted you

I gave myself to you

But I’m just another in a pack to you

While you were my one and only

But I was forgotten about, left to die

You killed me

Just leave, boy

Look for the next girl to bend and break

Because I’m not playing anymore

Because my love was a game to you, wasn’t it?

Well, Game over.

What was it about you?

Why did you pull at my heart strings

And make me believe?

You should have known, you should have guessed

That I’d be captured.

So here I am

Writing a poem

When I shouldn’t even be thinking of you

You’re not mine to think about

And I’m not yours to care

So why do I write?

Because you made me believe

You played with my heart strings and loosened them

Made them yours

Did you forget?

Could you even guess that you had them?

While I sit here, writing

Waiting, waiting for you to do something

With those darn heart strings of mine

If you don’t want them

Could I please have them back?

Because I’m here wasting my time

Waiting.

When you don’t even have a slight clue

Or the tiniest idea

Did it ever cross your mind?

Did you ever bother to look and see

if maybe, just maybe

those darn heart strings were still with you?

I’ve been here with you the whole time

Just waiting.

I guess you never cared

And maybe you knew

But you just disappeared

And accidentally took my heart with you

So silly of me to even dream

To even dare to think

That you cared one ounce for me

Or for what I had given to you.

If you don’t want my heart

Could I please have it back?

You tricked me

And I can’t love a liar….

So how is it that I still love you?

The most tripped-out thing I've written to date.

 

Some of us work in the city
But most of us work on the plantations
Where few of them hold any pity.
Most of them were repulsed by our deprivations
So some of them started the abolition
For none of us work in healthy condition

Then some of them fought the Civil War
Most of us, though, were still enslaved
Heretofore.
None of us thought we could ever be saved
Then most of us heard of the orientation
Of the Emancipation Proclamation

Few of us were happy with Reconstruction
If only the Ku Klux Klan had not put us in a fix
Well, all of us celebrated the construction
Of the Civil Rights Act of 1866.
When some of us heard that Johnson might try a veto
Most of us wanted to squish him like a mosquito

All of us, by the 14th and 15th amendments, were given voting rights
All of them in the North were allowed to vote as well
Even the women are able to vote alongside the whites
Most of us can say the discriminations fell
But some of them say that it's just the same as before
Before one of them had declared Civil War.